Sarina Holborn

My two sisters were sitting next to me on the sofa when my doctor called.  I answered and heard his voice saying, "Bad sign, blah blah blah, malignant, blah blah blah..." I quickly handed the phone to my sister Diana and got up and started cleaning the condo.  I picked up magazines, took cups to the kitchen, cleaned off countertops.  I can do this, I know how to clean up; I don't know how to deal with being told I have cancer.  I was a healthy 25 year old on a Sunday in 1995.

Six days later, I was recovering from a lumpectomy and feeling pretty rough.

My husband Steve was a rock.  As family would come and visit, Steve stopped them at the door and told them to leave their tears there.  He knew that I didn't need sadness around me - I needed help and support.  He never wavered in his strength and I will always appreciate how he dealt with things.

For my second diagnosis, it was a completely different experience.  I was now 32 with three beautiful children.  The minute the tech came back into the room, I knew it was back.  I told her it was going to be okay, I said, "don't worry, I'll be fine."  I had to be.  My husband and kids needed me.  I wasn't sad.  I wasn't even scared.  This was just one more thing I had to take care of and get back to my family.  No problem.

We are all given challenges in our lives, whether physical, mental, or spiritual.  I believe that how we deal with those challenges makes us who we are.  I am not my cancer.  I am a strong, happy, caring fun-loving sister, daughter, wife and mother.

I found that there are stages that we go through - disbelief, anger, sorrow among others.  It took time for me to be able to look at my scars and not feel the pain anymore.  Recovery is a process.

As with many survivors have encountered, my diagnosis completely changed my life's views.  I now realize stuff happens that we have no control over - if we cry about it or laugh about it, it doesn't change it.  I had cancer.  I don't now.  Sitting around asking "why?" doesn't do anything but waste time, and every moment is precious.

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